Everyone says the HEMI tick is normal. Is mine normal?
Two different noises get called the HEMI tick and only one of them is cheap. A tap that is loudest in the first minutes of a cold start and then fades as everything expands is usually an exhaust manifold bolt that has snapped at the flange, and the engine is fine. A tick that stays once the engine is hot, especially with a misfire on one cylinder, is a valve train noise and on this engine that means a deactivation lifter and the camshaft lobe it has been wearing. We settle it before anything comes apart: listen at the manifold flange cold, look for the soot trace a leaking flange leaves, and read the misfire counters per cylinder. That test costs a fraction of what guessing wrongly costs in either direction.
If cylinder deactivation is the problem, can it just be switched off?
It is worth being clear about what that would and would not do. Once a lifter has collapsed and worn the lobe under it, the wear is mechanical and already there, and changing how the engine is controlled does not restore a lobe. The repair for that is the camshaft and the lifters. Whether to change an engine calibration afterwards is a separate decision and it is yours, with consequences for how the car runs and for anything that depends on the car being standard, so we will tell you what we know and we will not present it as a repair for damage that has already happened.
There is a shudder at a light throttle around eighty. Gearbox or engine?
It is one of three things and they feel identical from the seat: a torque converter lock-up clutch that is slipping, a misfire that only shows under that particular load, or a wheel out of balance. The eight-speed asks its converter clutch to hold with the least help at exactly that speed and throttle, which is why a slipping clutch appears there and nowhere else. We road test with converter slip, the commanded lock-up state, fluid temperature and the misfire counters all on the screen at the moment it happens. That one drive decides whether you are looking at a gearbox, a set of plugs and coils, or a wheel balance.
The fuel pump does not prime, the wipers came on by themselves, and the battery goes flat. Is that one fault?
Often yes, and the thing those complaints have in common is where their power comes from. On these cars one module distributes power and its control to a great many circuits, so when it starts misbehaving the symptoms arrive as a scattered list rather than as one named fault. That said, we do not assume it. It is diagnosed as a circuit: supply and ground tested at the load itself, voltage drop measured with the circuit under load, what the module commands compared with what actually arrives, and parasitic draw measured overnight on a car that goes flat. A relay circuit that works on a cold bench and fails hot is exactly what a quick check misses. The module is an expensive part and it should be proved rather than assumed.
My discs were replaced and the judder came back within months. Why?
Usually because the reason the first set went was never addressed. A heavy car braked hard from speed and then parked leaves uneven pad material deposited on the disc, and that feels exactly like a warped disc without being one. The common causes are a caliper whose slide pins have seized, so one pad does the work and cooks, rust scale or uneven torque at the hub face, and new discs that were never bedded in. We measure run-out on the hub with a gauge rather than deciding by feel, compare the two sides for temperature after a road test, free off and inspect the slides, and clean the hub face before anything new goes on. Otherwise you buy the same discs again.